bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
