omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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