i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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