dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
