Kareoke will never be a sober sport
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
