somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
