Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
