My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize