I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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