Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
