P.S. I can't hear my feet
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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