i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
