She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
