Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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