Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
