My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
