Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Randomize