forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize