You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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