Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
