fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
