DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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