my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
