I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
