Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
