Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's like heaven, but drunker
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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