i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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