My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
