But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
