with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
