You're completely useless in the revolution.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
