If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
