Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
