No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
