Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
