It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize