i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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