So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
pray to the hookup gods
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
