Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's on the porch naked. Help.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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