I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
