So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
