Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
