i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize