Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
