Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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