I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I won the penis lottery.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
