if you like me you must not know who I am
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
