her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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