oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
