Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
