I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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