i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize