Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
