I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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