I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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