so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
