the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
