ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
