Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
