ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So many bounce houses so little time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
