I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
