There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
