When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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