He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
