someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize