with your own penis?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
