I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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