My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
