and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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