I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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