I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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