All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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