i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
