Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
