I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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