If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
