Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
