im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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