I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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