Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
