I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
