the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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