It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
