marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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