you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
