Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
