i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
